Mental Struggle

School is taking a toll on me.  Part of me wishes I had done the surgery after the school year ended but I have a feeling things wouldn't have been any better than they are now.

The stress from the school is making me and my mom lose touch and it makes me sad...

I want so much to just let it all go just give up, but I can't stop caring.  If I didn't care so much about school this whole phase would be much easier.  But I know I can get good grades when I am my normal self, I am just afraid of losing those grades because I'm not back to normal yet.

The greatest connection I have with anyone is my mom, and I don't want to lose that because of some teachers at some stupid school.  My health and my family come before school any day of the week and no one can convince me otherwise.  What was I doing before kindergarten?  I was bonding with my mom and my brother.  I was getting sick with fevers over 100 and was trying to get better.  They come first, no matter how the school or the teachers want me to prioritize I am sticking to the values that I was raised with.

I just hope I can raise my children to care, but not care to the point of stressing themselves out.  I don't want them to be the carefree low grade students, but I don't want them to put as much pressure on themselves as I put on myself.

Everything is falling apart and it feels like my fault... I don't know what to do...

       ~Rosie

Missed School :\

So the first day back into school after spring break turned out to be me staying home.

So last night I had a terrible night's sleep.  I was never fully asleep, and my hip had a tremendous spike of pain somewhere between 1 and 2 in the morning.  So my mom had to give me an oxycodone and I woke up so drowsy and still under the influence of the meds, and, because I am such a lightweight, the medication last much longer lasting affects on my brain than it should so I had to stay home.  We were hoping that I could get into school at noon but I was still out of it and couldn't go.

So now I am turning down another bumpy road through school.  I am hoping that the teachers that have been ridin' up my rear end will back off.  A big bone surgery has a long term recovery and extreme affects on the body, not to mention my first week after the operation was filled with disorientation, extreme pain meds every two hours, and significant amounts of vomiting.  I couldn't hold anything down and they didn't want to give me my pain meds through IV because it kept spreading up to my chest and affecting my breathing.

It's been a rough six weeks, and I wish that some of my teachers would be more empathetic than they have been.  Some of my teachers have been amazing and I appreciate it more than they know.  It's hard to work around a person who can't remember what happened twelve hours ago, let alone two weeks ago, and I feel so thankful that I have some people on my side who understand even though they haven't been in my position.

Unfortunately, the balance of the world decides that with every good teacher there must be a bad one.  It frustrates me because I want to have good grades and it's hard when I am talking to a brick wall.

I know this was a long blog post and if you read it all thank you so much because it makes me feel just a little bit more appreciated.  If you get treated like nothing, you start to feel like nothing, but it can work the other way around too, right?

Just know that with every bad person you meet, fate will bring you to someone opposite.  Keep your head high and never lose hope, because as much as you want to give up you know that you could be so close to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Deep blog posts... dang... sometimes you just gotta do it though...

       ~Rosie

School Work

I have to do school work at some point today.  I have history and science... I'm not too fond of having homework DURING SPRING BREAK.

I know I had a MAJOR BIG BONE SURGERY and I missed a lot of school, but you would think that the school would be more FLEXIBLE and UNDERSTANDING.

I'm not completely back to normal yet, and some of my teachers don't understand that.  Maybe they will when they expect my normal A work and get D work back... it sucks to think that it would take negatively affecting my grade to get these teachers to understand, but it seems to be the only option I have left.  I have talked to them and I let some get on my good side that weren't before and then they just shattered any chances at being on my good side ever again in the future.

Their loss, I'm a great person, so I've been told, they're just missing out...

       ~Rosie